There are woods? And trees? 

I am a great one for not seeing the woods for the trees. I remember feeding my firstborn hour after hour every night, reading about cluster feeding and thinking, “Jesus, I’m so lucky my baby doesn’t cluster feed all night long”. I’m thinking this while cluster feeding, all night long, for months on end. 

My breastfeeding days are long behind me and in recent years, I’ve been gearing myself up for the onslaught of menopause, dreading what was coming down the tracks.  

At 6-week post-surgery checkup yesterday, my doctor blew me away, suggesting I might be done. It might be all over. I laughed, saying my life doesn’t work like that, but she surmised after all the drama and trauma I’ve been through in the last few years I deserved a lucky break, and maybe this was it.  

At home, I filled in a questionnaire on the NHS website and scored quite low, so not menopausal. But then I thought back to last year, or the year before that, or indeed any of the last 5 or 6 years and filled it in again and my score was off the chart.  

When I reflect on the events of recent years and then look through the menopause checklist, it could well be that all these things were part of my journey. I fucking hope so, because I could not do the last ten years again.  

As I wait for the phone call from my doctor with my blood results, I’m on the edge of my seat, wondering if I’m lucky. Am I done? Have I gotten off lightly? If so, it wasn’t lightly, I just couldn’t see the woods for the trees.  

Menopause Symptom Questionnaire (appnhs24wp41a8c38064.blob.core.windows.net)